AT&T sent me the following text this morning, a week and a half into my billing cycle. below is my text-back.
HEY YOU THIEVING MOTHERFUCKERS! YOURE THE ONES WHO LABELED IT 'UNLIMITED', NOT ME. IF IT WERE ME, I WOULD HAVE CALLED IT THE 5GB PLAN. OR THE JUST BARELY A WEEKS WORTH OF CAT VIDEOS PLAN...MAYBE THE KISS 5GB OF AT&T'S ASS PLAN? COME ON!? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! 5 FUCKING GB A MONTH? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? I GO THROUGH 5GB ON A TUESDAY WATCHING THE STARWARS TRAILER OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I GO THROUGH 5GB GOOGLING WHERE THE FUCK THE KARDASHIANS ATE DINNER LAST NIGHT? I SPEND 5GB STREAMING SPOTIFY TO BLAST THE SMITHS "MEAT IS MURDER" DIRECTLY AT THE LOCAL SLAUGHTERHOUSE TO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY LET THEM KNOW IT AINT COOL WHAT THEYRE DOING IN THERE. I SPEND 5GB WRITING A BLOG EXPLAINING TO THE CHILDRENS SO THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THE DAILY SENSE OF GRIEF THAT WE ALL ARE FORCED TO DEAL WITH IN A WORLD WHERE 5GB IS SUPPOSED TO BE SYNONYMOUS WITH UNLIMITED.
RED LOBSTER DOESNT SAY UNLIMITED SHRIMPS MEANING 5 FUCKING SHRIMPS! PORNHUB DOESNT ADVERTISE UNLIMITED GANGBANGS WITH ONLY 5 DUDES IN THE ROOM! THE BIBLE DOESNT OFFER AN UNLIMITED AND ETERNAL AFTERLIFE MEANING 5 GOLDEN DAYS AND NIGHTS IN BEAUTIFUL BORELANO FLORIDA.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS THE FOLLOWING: REALIZE THAT THE EXORBITANT AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU ALREADY GET FROM A LARGE PORTION OF THE SMARTPHONE TANNED POPULATION JUST FOR THEIR DAILY WHATHAVE YOU THEY HAVE GROWN ACCUSTOM TO IS MORE THAN ENOUGH AND THAT ALL THE TAXES AND THE ATTACHED FEES AND THE SMALL PRINT YOU PUT IN THERE TO TRICK CONSUMERS INTO CONSTANTLY UPGRADING THEIR PHONE AND THEIR PLAN IS SIMPLE AND UNFAIR CONSUMER PRACTICES. ITS TICKETMASTER SURCHARGES.
ITS CHICKS WITH DICKS. ITS GOLDEN CORRAL. ITS 48 OUNCE COLAS. ITS THE YETI...
ALL A CLEVER RUSE.
GO AHEAD AND THROTTLE 5GB OF THIS DICK YOU LOUSY CORPORATE SWINE AIMING TO STIFLE MY LITTLE ELECTRONIC WORLD! ILL SEE YOU IN THE 6TH RING OF 5GB OF HELL.
dustin
