friends of me
hope the wintertime is treating you as well as possible. i
know that fbook is a fast paced wasteland of stalkings and emptiness, so i
don’t want to spend much of your time, so to summarize this message to
determine if it is worth your read or time, it goes like this:
my 40th birthday is this November and id like to cordially invite you to my party…
yes yes… i fucking KNOW NOVEMBER
is faraway, i get it. i mean, who thinks of themselves so highly that they go
into birthday preparations 9 months away? grossly this Question prompted me to
face the idea that 40 years ago around valentines day, i was conceived. it was
a disgusting venture im sure, and up until this moment, i don’t think i had HAD
to consider this reality. but alas, bobby and lisa got it together so so many
moons ago that today, i come to you, humbly and ask for you to consider this
following venture.
an awfully good friend... NAY GREAT friend of mine has decided, without any
prior communication to me mind you, that he would go ahead and ask this really great woman
who chooses to tolerate him to marry her. fine fine… bells and whistles… the
crowd goes wild… uh, WELL GOOD FOR FUCKING THEM!
dustin? you ask… what the hell does this have to do with
anything? why the hell would it matter if your friend is getting married. she
sounds lovely. they must be very happy… doesn’t everyone deserve happiness
after all? just because you're miserable every.single.day. doesn't mean the world has to join in on your misery... jusssssst SHARE the link to the nuptials and allow us to LIKE it or
comment an ongoing minutia of mind numbing prayers and congratulatory replies and well wishes.
well, if you know me… you know i can be slightly selfish. (whaaaaaaa?!) surprising, i know… BUT... THIS MFKR DECIDED… OUT OF THE FREAKING BLUE… that the
best time to do this is on MY GODDAMN birthday weekend! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!
normally, this wouldn’t
be a problem. i don't take my birthday that seriously... im not a 14 year old girl... i dont own a goddamn tiara. and normally, with a friends wedding, they ride into the sunset, we all drink and carouse and
have stories that we tell for a couple of years about the shenanigans from the
bachelor party and the reception. the strippers… the phone synched messages to
ipads back home…
;)
but this isn’t normal is it? i turn 40 this year! FCKNG40!!!
that’s grave son! that's black balloons and when drinking recreationally turns into full blown alcoholism. that’s beyond midlife crisis! you know how many of these
milestones i have left? ummm. this. FUCKING. ONE! that’s it! i don’t get a 50! im already
choking on every gdamn thing i put in my mouth… (pause for jokes from the
peanut gallery)
[jerks]
my goddamn days are numbered my friends! they were numbered
before… but they sure as hell are more numbered now… (less numbered?) and now i have to share MY
GODDAMN weeknd with 2 people, who i hope are very happy, and will spend a lifetime in bliss, who could have chosen
ANY.
OTHER.
POSSIBLE.
FUCKING
WEEKND!
soooooo… here’s where you, the patient reader. the friend.
the foe. the acQuaintance comes in…
the wedding, and as it so CONVENIENTLY happens, MY FORTIETH
birthday, will be held in
las vegas Nevada the weeknd of November 15th.
and alllllllll i ask, is that
YOU
all come and help us all blow it to hell as we wish cherry
jerry and Jaime a very happy whatever.
but more importantly… come out and join ME, and us, for a
drink or so and help me ring in my, this last of hurrahs!
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